Over Coming Fate: A tale of Mordred
by Ivlynn Myrrh
Summary: A fanfiction based on a Book called I Am Mordred about how Mordred is willing to go to any lengths to change his fate


**Overcoming Fate: A Tale of Mordred**

"_...I knew she was truly dead. Her head lolled and her eyes saw nothing. I held her against my chest, I Mordred, a knight of the Round Table, weeping, and I did not care, I hugged her in my arms and cried. I sobbed until I felt sick and still I could not stop crying. … I thought of killing myself for the villain that I was, wantwit, accursed, fate's fool. It might be the only way I could defy fate, to kill myself. But instead of doing it, I used the sword to hack a hole into the ground near where Gull lay, within the circle of standing stones: they would mark the place. As if I were fighting with earth I smote it, weeping._

_I hated everything, most of all myself. Fool. I had gotten her killed._

_And...  
I could not yet think of Nyneve."_

**_(I Am Mordred: A Tale from Camelot by Nancy Springer, pg. 106)_**

Why did it have to be Nyneve? She was the only person who saw me for who I was, and not for what Merlin had said I would become. How could I ever forgive myself for her death? She gave me everything, she gave me Gull, a part of herself.

I glared at the pigeon hawk, who was Merlin. "I will kill you for all the things you have done," I told him, "I vow this now that I will not rest until you lay dead and buried." First, he had prophesied that I would be the one to kill my father, and then he told him to cast me into the sea with 39 others. Now he had killed the only companions I've had in my life, both Gull and Nyneve, and that if nothing else was unforgiveable.

If a hawk could smirk, I could have sworn he wore one as his voice echoed across my mind. _You can try all you want to do things differently but your fate is set no one can alter fate, not even I._ He laughed yet again in that high pitched, _ki-ki-ki,_ of a pigeon hawk and flew off. I thought I heard faintly, A_ctually I might..,_ but I wasn't sure. He was quite far off and the mind link was severed by distance.

Merlin I assumed would return to King Arthur's side as soon as he could, where he could proclaim whatever the fates may have to say, if they be true or not.

I stayed there for that night, not used to the sense of lonesomeness that overcame me without Gull at my side. The silence of the place that was once filled with beautiful Harper music was defining.

I had a feeling this would be the start of something entirely different from the quest I had started out on. That quest was over, it had failed surely, but at least it was completed. I had seen it to the end. There was no way to prevent the outcome of Merlin's prophecy, it would either happen as he said or it would not. I personally chose to believe Nyneve, Merlin is a trickster and cannot be trusted for reliable information.

The next day I rode through the Forest Perilous toward Caer Morgana to seek out my aunt, Morgan le Fay. If I was to kill Merlin I would need to learn whatever it is she could or would teach me. If it was the kingdom she wanted in trade for her teachings, then the kingdom she would have, or rather believe she would have until such time that I felt I knew enough from her and her uses ran out.

I stayed with her just over a year and then when her usefulness was up I killed her in her sleep. She had become too insistent on taking the thrown, something I had never planned on following through with in the first place.

Then I moved onward to seek out the Lady of the Lake and hoped she would show me whatever secrets it is that she had to show. She taught Nyneve for a while and Nyneve was the only one to beat Merlin. Lady Vivien was hesitant to allow me to learn what magical arts she knew, for she knew my intentions. I had explained my reasons. I could never love as she had told me to do if Merlin existed in the world preventing me from doing so. He was the cause of all my heartache and if I was to build a life it would have to be after his demise.

Lady Vivien had been there when Nyneve had fallen dead, struck down by a pigeon hawk, by Merlin. No ordinary pigeon hawk could strike someone such as Nyneve dead so simply as he had claimed to me. Lady Vivien and the maidens of Avalon taught me much in the year and a half that I stayed with them. Among what they had taught me was the ability to shape shift as Merlin was known to be able to do.

I rode away from Avalon on a midsummer day toward Camelot. No armor or sword needed anymore, yet I was still a Knight of the Round Table and I could not let anyone forget that. My shield had a new symbol on it now. It had an x just like the one behind my ear identifying me for who I am, because I am Mordred, and there is no shame in that. I was no longer going to hide away as if I was shamed as I did the first time I had arrived in Camelot.

I had no problem finding Camelot and it was indeed my first time truly finding it on my own, the place that no one can find unless they are intended to find it. As I entered into Camelot people froze when they set sight on me recognizing who I was, the accursed son. They had probably thought I was dead sometime since I had disappeared off into the Forest Perilous and beyond. I paid the people no mind for I knew why I had traveled so far. I had come for Merlin. To fulfill the vow I had made to him.

I went first to Pelleas, for I owed it to him. I should have gone to him years before then, as soon as Nyneve had died. I owed him an explanation at the very least as to why it was that his wife had died that day. It was my fault, her death, and that will forever haunt me.

"Well met Mordred," he greeted me warily, unsure of my intentions to see him.

"Well met Sir Pelleas," I greeted back formally. "If I may," I asked," could I steal some of your time?"

He nodded and stepped to the side allowing me inside the tower that was once his and Nyneve's. It looked exactly as I had remembered it looking, not a thing out of place. It made my heart ache to remember the days I had spent here in my first days in Camelot. When I was only fifteen things seemed so much simpler though my path unclear, at nearly nineteen my path was clear but the tasks nearly impossible.

"Pelleas," I spoke after I had sat in a chair across from him, "Nyneve's death is my fault."

He sat and listened as I told him what had happened. I told him of my quest to save the king, my father, from being slain by my own hand. I told him about my encounter with Merlin, what Merlin told me after he had killed Nyneve and that I had vowed to kill Merlin. I told Pelleas of Lynette. How she had scorned me as soon as she found out who I was. I told him the Lady of the Lake had told me that only love could prevent Merlin's prophecy. I even told him of how I murdered my aunt Morgan. I told him everything I had done while I was away, leaving nothing out. He did not stop me once.

I did not realize until I was done how much I had needed to be able to confide in someone the on-goings of my life, to admit my own sorrows, to admit my part in my dearest friends death. I had not felt like someone cared like this since Nyneve had rescued me and I had gone to Avalon to see her. It was nice to feel as if someone cared if only for a short while.

Pelleas stood when I was done and he came over to stand next to me. "Mordred," he spoke, "Nyneve would be proud of all you have learned and the man you have become." He paused he as if unsure how to continue. He placed his hand on my shoulder and looked down at me, "Nyneve, She would not want for you to go on with your life seeking out revenge on her accord. She would not want your heart to suffer her loss. You must understand Mordred that what you seek to do will only cause you more pain.

"You're right though," he told me, "Merlin is here." Pelleas offered for me to stay for the night, but I knew that Merlin would already know that I was here if he had not already foreseen it. I had wasted enough time on my own sentiments, and I needed to focus now on my main reason for coming to Camelot, Merlin.

I went off to seek an audience with King Arthur, I was sure to find Merlin not far from him. I had been a terrible knight these past years, but coming within Merlin's vicinity before I was ready to face him was out of the question.

I looked at the King who sat at his place at the rim of the Round Table, Merlin standing not too far behind him in the shadows. I knew it was he, I could tell. There were many servants and courtiers in the great hall as well as a few knights who sat at the table conversing. Merlin's eyes met mine as I approached King Arthur.

"My King" I said taking a knee before rising and sitting at the great Round Table.

"Mordred," his voice held a hint of surprise as he acknowledged me, he obviously had not expected my arrival. At the sound of my name a few turned and looked, whispering quietly behind their hands to the people closest to them, the gossip was to be expected. I could feel only Merlin's eyes upon me out of all those in the room that looked my way.

"I apologies for my long absence," I said shortly, unsure of what else I would have to say to him. What does one say to one's father when they must pretend they are not father and son? What does one say to a man whom he is supposedly going to kill one day?

"It is of little consequence," he told me after studying me for a moment. What did he see, I wondered, did he see me for who I was now? Did he see what I had become over the last few years? Did he notice the changes in me or did he not care? He dismissed the others who were in the great hall, but Merlin remained hidden in the shadows of the far corner of the room.

"How goes your quest?" he asked me.

I raised my eyebrow skeptically, had Merlin told him nothing? "The quest is irrelevant," I stated, "and as long as it remains that I do not wish to kill you then it remains as such." He cringed, never had we spoken so openly about this. This was a forbidden topic, it was too close to saying what everyone already knew. It was too close to making him admit that there was a prophecy and I was his son.

Merlin stepped out of the shadows and into the conversation. "You cannot stop fate as I told you before Mordred."

I glared at him, standing so as not to be at a disadvantage if he was to do any spell casting. "And I told you, Merlin that I would not rest until you were dead. You are the only one I wish to kill, and it will remain so."

He laughed, "So your Lady Aunt Morgan le Fay's death was not something you wished? It just happened? That is quite the accident Mordred." I paled. I had not thought anyone knew of that. What I had done then was entirely in cold blood.

The king was looking at me now with shock on his face.


End file.
